Healing

I went to my appointment ready to protest (I wore my New Balance "I Run" t-shirt). He went right to the point, explained every arthroscopy picture, showed me how extensive the damage was, and with that being said I have to accept that running is not an option. There I said it...my option is not to run. Not ever. My knee is indeed very messed up. If I weren’t 37 Dr. E would have scheduled a total knee replacement tomorrow. I am a canidate for total knee replacement. That is so hard to hear and harder for me to understand.

My scope showed a lot of damage. I have bad arthritis – bone on bone throughout my knee. Mostly on the femoral and medial sides, and some lateral. There were some problems at the tibia but not as bad as the rest of my knee. I had frayed cartilage and floating pieces. I have erosion. He did a lot of cleaning and smoothing stuff out but the damage is done. He can’t fix bone on bone wearing. I asked him if I can’t have a TKR now when will I? How will I know when it can’t wait any longer? The best answer is that when I can’t walk, stand, and do activities of daily living with out pain. That’s what I have to look forward to. That was hard to hear. It’s hard to think about what will be. It should be enough for me to suck it up and figure out what to do instead of running. I asked about other activities. The best things are swimming and spinning. No stair climbing, no squats, no lunges, and elliptical is even in question. I have to keep the weight down. Dr. E hopes I can make this knee hold out until I am 50. For now my job is to rest, ice and elevate. In a few weeks I can swim. In 2-4 weeks I might be able to hop on my trainer. In 4-6 weeks I can try elliptical but if swelling or pain that will need to be crossed off my list. In 1 month I will follow up with Dr. E and we will see how things are doing.

My pain was fairly under control. I have not taken any narcotics! I am super proud about this. I have needed Ibuprofen and it seems to take the edge off the pain. I have calf tenderness. If this doesn’t improve in the next few days I need to get an ultrasound to be sure I don’t have a blood clot. I don’t think I do but I was honest when I reported that the calf pain at times is worse than the surgery pain.

I went to work today. I wish I hadn’t. Dr. E didn’t want me to go back until Monday. But I am tough and bored so I begged Dr. E to let me go in today and I promised I would sit at my desk and just call patients with results. I ended up with pain, swelling, and hurt feelings because I left 20 minutes early and I didn’t even make it for four hours. What happened? I was feeling so great at home. Why did I swell? Why did my calf pain get worse? Why was it hurting? I swear I was good. I just sat at a phone with ice on my knee. I called his nurse on the way home and she said no more work until Monday. She faxed me a note excusing me from work for the rest of the week. I will wait and see what tomorrow brings. I want to be this tough girl and prove to me and everyone else that I can take this. If I go to work I am keeping my mind busy. I don't want to think about me anymore. My nurse said trying to work when I shouldn't wouldn’t help me heal. Being tougher than I need to be won’t help me. I need to heal.